Progress

29 March, 2010 3:55 PM EST

Reporting to you from Princeton, NJ, 55 degrees, visibility 10 mi., winds NE at 5 to 10 mph. While the humidity has dampered my observations it has not dampered my spirit of observation. Indeed, I have erected an observation deck operating out a non visible spot in Firestone with wide views overlooking Nassau Street. This deck composes of: standing binoculars, necessary writing utensils, graphs of trends and patterns, and tracking devices that constantly stream into my phone which has an application for such necessary data. This application of course was devised by me. I plan to note these trends accordingly.

I have also launched a new offensive: Operation Vigilant. I have noticed that Public Safety has not taken due measures to protect the campus from potentially harmful influences. I am proud to say that I have made necessary trackings of students I deem suspicious. I have noticed, for example, a young girl who goes by "Yuna" (code name: Y Effect) has been making rounds to a body of water consistently around 4:30 PM EST every day. Y Effect proceeds to command her forces composed of taller individuals onto this body of water and makes progress in manipulating these persons. I believe that these peoples need my assistance in freeing them from their harmful influences. A full report will be made to Public Safety in the ensuing days when I have collected enough data.

I will discuss the highs and lows of the past days.

Highs: Construction and maintenance of Observation Deck, launching Operation Vigilant, steady stream of updates from phone application. Procured successful saliva sample from half eaten cookie in Cottage--have placed in bag for further analysis. However, needed necessary energy to continue investigations, and so consumed data. Have collected saliva samples out of my mouth. Making progress.

Lows: Y Effect is elusive. She dances a dance with me, and I refuse to let her slip away. Her sassiness is not unnoticed. Temporary dislocation of Observation Deck in Firestone--however, recovered from circulation desk. Strengthened Observation Deck by drilling it into ground.

Progress is being made. With progress, conquest is made.

Signing out,

Creepy Caroline